Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

I've been a member of Y!A for about 2 years. I don't add contacts, and I'm extremely picky about who I allow to add me (to the point where I have criteria established, in my head, for who can and can't). I feel the same about my 360 and MySpace. I live alone, other than my dog whom I love terribly, and am quite content with that. I am an admitted misanthrope. I keep my "real life" separate from my "internet life" in a fierce fashion. I don't have a problem meeting new people, but I'm extremely guarded about who I allow into my world, and to what degree. I've been described by others as "stand-offish" and "unapproachable", among other choice adjectives. I like to control who I let into my life, and tend to keep most people at arm's length, at the very least, but I'm honestly not a horrible person. In fact, this is the most I've ever revealed about myself online, as I just don't see the need to cross my real life with the internet. Constructive feedback is welcome.

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

Not at all, you're as sane as sane can be.

Your problem may lie in the fact that we are typically attracked unto our opposite personality type, when we consider marriage. This is natural and beneficial, because our mates struggle to help us seek a resemblence of balance in our lives. How one will come to view this daily struggle may, in fact, appear the problem in marriage versus the solution.

Be forewarned and prepared to struggle with, not against, your mate. Keep in mind that our attitude of teachability is 99% of the battle in learning anything new.

Personally, I view your stand-offishness as a security blanket you've surrounded yourself with for protection. This is a good thing during your early teen years, but if you're over the age of one and twenty, then you've got to review and revamp your priorities. Why? Because nothing ventured, then nothing gain. All of us has got to give something, in order to get something. Everything, it is said to be true, has got a price, and we all know one has to pay the price to play the game, especially in the game of Love.

Whereupon, I'd recommend that you risk everything, in order to gain something; I'd recommenjd that you give it your all, in order to get something; I'd recommend that you place more value in finding your soul-mate than rather accept aloofness; and I'd, finally, recommend that you throw caution to the wind and roll the dice of love, even if you gamble everything for nothing, at least you can testify that you, honestly, gave it a shot! Nothing in life is easy, but to be able to attest to the fact that you did your very best is an achievement in and of itself! Enjoy.

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

Seems to me that you're just protecting yourself from something. Maybe you've been hurt before and don't want it to happen again. All I would say is take a chance every once in a while and do something that you normally wouldnt.

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

It's the internet not your life dont stress over it!

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

One thing you said really caught my eye: "I like to control who let I let in...."

I've always been much the same way, but I've learned that trying to control who's "in" and who's "out" is foolish, and only leads to trouble.

Being in control of your life in terms of paying your bills, getting and keeping a job, making enough money, etc. is commendable.

But with people, I'm learning to let go and just take it as it comes. Having "standards" for people (outside of really fundamental stuff like not being a criminal) just doesn't work. Just because someone isn't like you or doesn't meet whatever standards you've established does NOT make them unworthy. In fact, I think you'll find (as I have) that letting lots of people into your life will only serve to make it much richer.

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

no need to cross inet life with real life

i don't

for me YA! is just entertainment and the ability to slam people anonymously, hence the entertainment value

you have to weight what you want in a person to be filtering out people in your life

some people are just cold fish, they feel superior and generally like little in people ( see in cold blood for what i am talking about )

others have a fear factor of letting what ever inadequacies ( and we all have them ) be revealed out of fear they will be seen as less than by others, hence the reason to be stand offish

in either case both speak about flaws in you and you shielding from other out of a self conscious attitude in yourself

i see too many people to meet and talk to to ever take such a view like yours, and thus lead a more colorful and happy life

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

If Deke is really your name, I like it.

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

Whether your issue is intimacy is open to question, but it seems that you do have an issue about something. Why else would you ask?

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

Bah, it's just internet safety. I think it's perfectly sensible to regulate internet contacts that you don't know personally in real life. If you were a child or a woman, it'd probably even be considered necessary. It's really easy for people to represent themselves falsely on the internet, and judging from some of the offensive things I spot on Y!A sometimes, there are plenty of reasons for screening people out. People are usually selective in real life, so why not here? If people are calling you "stand-offish" and "unapproachable" solely because you won't add them as an internet buddy when you don't even know them, they're the ones who are wacko for thinking you're somehow obliged to do so. Besides, Y!A isn't a social networking site anyway. On the other hand, I suppose there is some safety in not giving a real name and such. If you find that you are like this excessively with people in real life though, maybe you could have some problems with intimacy, or possibly control or paranoia. I'm a little puzzled though--if you're really a misanthrope, as in people-hater, why are intimacy issues even a concern? Or do you just mean you like/prefer being alone? The fact that you even have to ask seems to indicate that there is something you need from people that you are feeling is missing.

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

Deke - If you're being serious, I feel in the same boat as what you described, so I'll give you my take on myself

"Jeff - I think you are part of the New Order -- This is what the higher-ups want from us - impersonal communications; less intimacy; but, with something to keep us "masses" busy and content and busy -- like Y!A. -- Be aware, that a collection vehicle will be in your area, in order to acquire your precious reproductive fluids, since you will never touch Human Flesh, again. -- You may have a pet of your choosing - In fact, we encourage it."

- Jeff :-)

--------------------------------------...

BUT, SERIOUSLY --%26gt;

Anyone, who suspects "intimacy issues" or are concerned about their behavior (or change in behavior) - should consult a Professional Opinion -- Not a Y!A opinion (though it does show that you're "reaching-out." :-)

:

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

I sometimes feel that way too. There's always a reason for everyone who creates a certain layer of protection of their feelings or privacy. In most cases, it's either their trust has been broken or they have been exploited or hurt before. It is always human to react in such a way that is considered abnormal to the masses. Human beings react differently to their different life experiences. There's always cause and effect. You can call this an intimacy issue, but you can simply see this as a layer of protection...which is completely human! Again, it is up to you whether to confront it or to leave it as it is... =)

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

when i first started coming ion here i was having a really hard time inn life and a guy on here emailed me and said yes things are hard ; and be wise and all this philology stuff.well he wanted to go further and i am am bit of a loner and declined we now he is my stalker and hacks into my computer daily.he has broke my computer my sons computer with all these crazy viruses and corrupting my files.he talked to me on IM and was a computer technician from Nigeria ; so please beware who you get too friendly with as i wished now i would of just answered and got off,I am not saying all are like him but there not just be careful who you trust and befriend..

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

You are doing much healthier than I. I have intimacy issues...%26amp; it always leads me to saying %26amp; doing stupid things which offend those whom I dearly care for.

best of luck to you

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

In school, I took this test once, meant to show how introverted/extroverted you are.

Mine was the most introverted score they had ever seen.

What this seems to translate to in my life? I like people, but only need a few of them. That makes this e-life so addicting for me...I can control how many people I'm dealing with. And how close they get.

Must be peas in a pod, I never thought you were standoffish...=0)

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

I can relate.

Serious question : do I have intimacy issues?

If you have intimacy issues, then so do I. Personally, I always thought the keeping real life and internet life separate was the best policy - and still is, even though I do have my business (as in work) out on the internet. It's the only real way for me to get income off of it.

I'm also a bit standoffish in public - I don't tell my life story to people I just met; only ones to our home in a long time are family or very close friends, but I've had to learn to be what I call a "social antisocial" person because I do work with a great number of people. Not as much as I used to, but I have to learn to cope with them. I'm more than happy to retreat to my home at the end of a day rather than deal with the public anymore. NO clubs, bars, etc- home. Home is sanctuary.

You're not abnormal - most people who work in my field are that way - social as hell about trivial things and work related stuff while at work, but when work is done - that's it.

I'm not going to tell you to become more social - I see no point to it.